Archive Page 2

Lou Reed

Beatnik drone Lou Reed entered the Grail sanctum atop a throne of his own irony. With a nonchalant flick of his wrist the rayban wearing wraith sipped from a poorly chosen chalice and, with raised eyebrow, performed an improvised death dance as he crumbled to the floor.

Reed: Can go from zero to 100 kms an hour in 12.5 seconds.

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Donovan

Poor-man’s everything Donovan sought everlasting life and chose a grail more akin to an hooker’s high-heel than the cup of Christ. The flower power deadbeat was transformed to a shrivelled chimera, bones turned to dust and hair stretched like wire.

Donovan: What happens at eleven o'clock?

Loretta Lynn

Slide guitar phantasm Loretta Lynn warbled her way into the Grail Knight’s armour, seducing the three hundred year old sword wielder with a haunting version of her hit “Don’t Come Home A’ Drinkin.” After the dusty act was complete the Nashville songstress slipped into the Grail chamber and gargled from a poorly chosen vessel. Her skin to parchment – doomed to haunt southern music halls with her skullified jangles forevermore.

Lynn: Must face the final challenge.

David Hasselhoff

Early evening cartilage face David Hasselhoff won’t be singing a-top of any walls in the near future. Choosing poorly in the Grail Chamber, the Baywatch booze-hound’s bones turned to dust as his skin slopped to the floor like a carrier bag full of puss.

Thanks to Thomas Maxwell

Hoff: If he a Scottish lord, then I am Mickey Mouse

Michael Winner

Boorish womble Michael Winner stumbled upon the grail chamber whilst touring for his culinary horror show, Winners Dinners. Sneering at the venerable Knights inferior wine etiquette, the obnoxious gargoyle snatched up a chipped promotional mug for Death Wish 3, sipping lambrusco bianco from it with pompous disdain. The effects were immediate, skin sagged from his distorted braincase, a hideous nasal keening pervaded the air.

Guest Contribution: James Burke

Winner: His soul is prepared.

Anne Ramsey

Gravel voiced Goonie chaser Anne Ramsey chose poorly in the grail sanctuary, drinking dark oils from a discarded bedpan. The Sloth-dropper calcified and disintegrated into a dusty pyramid.

Ramsey: Does she detect a rebuke?

Aughra from The Dark Crystal

Mystical crone Aughra spends more time looking at planetary alignments than she does examining her face in the mirror, largely due to her having swigged font water from a Yop bottle during a trip to the grail sanctuary. The result, as you can see, was that her head turned into Tutankhamun’s testicle.

Aughra: Wrote it down so she wouldn't have to remember it.


ABOUT

Welcome to They Chose Poorly - A Blog dedicated to those who drank from the wrong grail.

Inspired by the timely demise of Walter Donovan, Nazi stooge, from the telepicture Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade.

Watch the original scene here

CHOOSE WISELY

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